just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
