I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
