Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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