so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
