We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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