Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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