It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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