I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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