I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
