...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
