The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize