John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
