I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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