then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
