Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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