we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
