some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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