I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
