Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The best revenge is premature balding
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
