have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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