I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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