ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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