It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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