The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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