So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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