Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
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I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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