so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
