When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
