He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm just crazy horny about you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
