I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need help removing her.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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