Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
