i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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