we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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