I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
