the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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