i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
