oh god the rape fog is back!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
