My hand turned me down
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
