I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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