You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
