My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize