Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
