im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
