My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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