Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is the high leading the old right now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
