i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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