were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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