If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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