did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
