I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Can I color on your dick again?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
