You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
