About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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