I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
