drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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