he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
