I think I died a long time ago.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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