Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
