...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
