I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
