the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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