ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Everyone says I win the strip club
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
