im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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