I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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