Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
