Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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