We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
