DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
