i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
