remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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