Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
