I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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