no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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