i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
