Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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