So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize