i will never coherently bang her
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
