pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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