why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
