How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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