is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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